Tuesday, September 18, 2012

"Promise you will call me, even in the middle of the night, if you need me?" -Rebekah

Since finding out that Roman needed further help with his communication, I have started to notice more and more things that he does, which happen to fall on the whole "spectrum" of autism characteristics. I have noticed the headbanging, the arm flapping, etc. I have noticed just how often he lines his toys up only to get angry if you rearrange them. It's cute, but frustrating all at the same time. (SN: I am happy to report that I have not had any major breakdowns like the last blog) So, since hearing we had a problem... I have done some research, and I have also gotten more "answers".

I got the written evaluation from the therapist. Roman is currently 2 years and 8 months old, however he is testing out at a 1 year 7 month old in regard to his speech, communication and understanding, and another area that I cannot remember off the top of my head. Regardless, there is a bigger problem than I was willing to accept. I did some research on physicians in the area that are able to give a diagnosis and what the chances are of them being willing to diagnose in a child his age. All I can currently say about this is, I have one person who is going to be evaluating him and is not afraid of diagnosing at his age, and I have an appointment with his pediatrician on Thursday morning. I am hoping to get some feedback, one way or another. Getting a diagnosis that is correct, one way or the other, is what matters right now.

The support that has come spilling out from everywhere is amazing! I've had parents with autistic kids at church offer support and information. I have had teachers and parents of children at the daycare offer hugs and support. Roman was invited to another autistic kid's birthday party. A nurse in my church offered to help however she could, with regard to CARD. Just everywhere I turn, there is so much encouragement and support. I am truly thankful for everyone that has been there, that has listened, that has called to check on us,  that hasn't gotten offended if I let their call go to voicemail because I didn't want to talk at the time, etc. I truly am thankful for each and every one of you that has offered support.

Every time I pick Roman up from E3 Kids, he is playing with this toy bowling set. While in Walmart last week, I found a similar one for $5. I couldn't resist, because he always has so much fun with them on Sundays. I bought them and opened them for him when we got home. Since that day, the bowling pins are his favorite thing ever created. He carries them everywhere, even to daycare with him... He lines them up on the bathroom counter prior to taking his bath. He lines them up in his bed and pulls the covers over him and the bowling pins to go to sleep at night, and if watching TV, he lines them across the front of the TV shelf. He carries at least four with him to the car and back to the house each time we leave. It's cute.....that part anyway.... On the other end of how special and cute these bowling pins appear to be, is the aggressive side of Roman. I wake up at least twice a week being bashed in the face with bowling pins, I watch them get thrown across the room, and I have had to retrieve them from trashcans. I try to figure out what he is thinking, but I just can't seem to crack it....

Last night, he woke up at 1:30. I got out of bed and laid on the couch with him. I was text messaging and playing on my phone, while trying to lay still enough that he would fall back asleep. At 4:00 I was still laying there with him. I looked down to where he was laying as still as could be. He looked up at me, smiled, and went right back to what he was doing.... staring at the ceiling with the most intense look on his face. It was almost as if he was just focusing and digesting a whole bunch of thoughts, but had NO WAY to tell me what he was thinking, so he was just soaking it all in. It was the sweetest look I have ever seen on his face, but it was so sad to me at the same time that I couldn't get him to share the thoughts that were leaving his face so intently focused on the ceiling. It was in that moment, at 4:00am, that I realized no matter what this road holds, I love this babyman so unconditionally that I will take the headbutts that make me see spots, the bowling pin bashes to wake me up in the middle of the night, and the pure screaming fits from point A to point B in the car. He deserves my best, and that is just what I will give him... no matter what that requires from me.


  1. (HUGS)

    You are am amazing mother. Strong. God knows this.
    I know this. Love you.